Outbursts of anger.
Over 87% of children between 2 and 4 years old have such times, at least once. Tantrums appear when the little ones cannot express their frustrations or upsets correctly and they erupt with extreme anger. They cry, scream, hit with their hands and feet, they walk away from you, sit on the floor, get up, in extreme cases they vomit or hold their breath.
It is good to know that around the age of 2 the frequency of tantrums can reach the maximum threshold of 9 times a week, and their duration is between 2 and 5 minutes. However, there are cases in which their duration can be up to 30 minutes, depending on the severity of the situation. After the age of 2, children discover independence, the fact that they can refuse certain things and express their opinion. But sometimes they fail to put everything into words as they would like, and the fact that things don't go the way they want starts with a fit of rage. In other words, the frustration stems from the fact that his parents do not guess or understand his current preferences and desires. Around the age of 4, the intensity of the manifestations begins to decrease, as the little ones develop their communication skills.
How we approach them
Unfortunately, tantrums can rarely be stopped, because most children invest all the energy they put in at that moment. So the solution is not to try to stop a tantrum after it has already taken you by surprise, but to prevent it. And this does not mean that you never deny your child anything, but that you know how to read it very well. At the beginning of a tantrum, there are some warning signs: the little one's tone becomes louder, he is more agitated, he frowns and seems to have no patience at all. It is important to talk to your child about the rules and what is going to happen and never put them in front of an accomplished fact, especially when you know it is a sensitive topic. For example, if he has a tantrum at the store when you don't want to buy him a toy, prepare him a day or at least a few hours before he leaves for the store and make him interested in the things you have already written down. Tell them about how you will cook together and play with the vegetables you buy, involving them more than just a boring attendant who gets bored waiting by the cart. Boredom will make him attracted to things that interest him in general, toys and behave like a spoiled child.
Long-term effects
Although it scares you because it seems torturous to your child, you should know that tantrums help him get rid of stress, frustration and negative energy. We adults often have tantrums, the only difference being that we express ourselves differently. So allow him to unload, trying to talk to him without putting straw on the fire. If you solve the personality disorder crisis by always giving him what he wants, you will only feed such manifestations, which can become a problem for the little one, even at older ages. Some children with poorly managed tantrums develop them in adolescence. Rarely give him what he wants, and only when the situation allows, without becoming a habit.
Situations that can trigger tantrum:
rapid change of the environment in which the child carries out the main activities (home, kindergarten, home of other relatives, playgrounds, visits to the doctor);
competition for toys with other children;
when language does not help to demand precisely certain things desired;
moments of tension / conflict between parents;
situations of fraternal jealousy;
parents make actions / make decisions that the child notices for the first time and does not know what expectations to form;
when the basic needs of children are met without a clearly defined program;
tests tasks / activities that exceed their level of autonomy.
How can you prevent or shorten the development of a tantrum?
It is recommended to take the child out of the tense situation / place that generated tension, in order to calm down.
Ignore the crisis, but stay with the child until it calms down.
Suggest positive behavior to the child after the crisis subsides.
It is good to explain to the child how he feels certain emotions (if he hits to say: "I'm upset, nervous, the blow hurts".
Clear expectations / requirements should be formulated for the child.
Requirements not to exceed the child's current purchasing level.
Keep a familiar / child-friendly routine in your daily schedule as much as possible.
Avoid the child's access to disturbing stimulus (inappropriate objects / inappropriate places).
The child is happy from time to time to make their own choices (the options are directed by the parent).
The child will react better if he is notified in advance of possible changes in the daily schedule.
Depending on the child's age, it is recommended that they be instructed to express their frustration verbally and not through actions.
It is a good idea to discuss the rules with your child before starting an activity.
Give a personal example of adaptive reactions to stressful / unpredictable situations.
Types of tantrums
Outbursts of anger (tantrums) are of two kinds:
frustration tantrum (unintentional) - occurs when the child tries to express and regulate strong emotions (frustration, anger, jealousy)
manipulation tantrum (intentionally) - the child appeals to the behavior with which he was previously successful, to get what he wants.
It is very important for you not to underestimate your qualities as a parent. Regardless of the number of tantrums your baby has, try to focus on your reactions and not on the effects of that situation. Be tolerant of yourself and trust everything you do!
What is personal autonomy?
Given that the little ones are in the first years of life, this autonomy is characterized by activities and tasks that they can do on their own every day. They can eat, brush their teeth, get dressed or pick up their own toys, but BEWARE! It is advisable to know exactly what are the independent activities specific to his age, because you can overload him or, on the contrary, pamper him. To grow up perfectly healthy and independent, guide him, support him and gradually withdraw from his activities when you notice that he can handle himself.
How do you help him gain independence?
When he wears shoes, for example, without your help, do not rush him and praise him at the end for his success.
Also, don't decide in his place when you want to buy him something. Ask him out well if he is no longer absorbed in the connection.
Involvement in household chores is beneficial, especially when the child feels useful and satisfied with the result (arranging the table, placing the flowers in the vase, putting the candies in a bowl).
When the little one refuses to get involved in an activity, show him how to do it, without rebuking him.
Go straight to the action, do everything with pleasure and you will notice that he will study you how to proceed later, imitate you and do the same as you.
When something goes wrong or fails, don't argue! Tell him that you appreciate his attempts and that in time he will be able to do everything he sets out to do.
Starting from the moment he realizes that he is a unique, individual person (at 6 months), and continuing with the first steps, language skills and fits of anger, we can say that personal autonomy has an important role in your child's life. So, during this period when he is trying to know his emotions, to express himself as clearly as possible and to better understand the situations around him, you have to arm yourself with a lot of calm and patience.
10 methods tested to solve the tantrum problem
1. Prevention
Try to spend quality time with your little one every day. Let him take the lead in choosing the activity and channel all his attention in the desired direction. When the time comes for a tantrum, he will calm down much faster, knowing that you support him in his choices. That is why it is good to look for opportunities to praise his good behaviors, to make him want to repeat them. Take a deep breath in those tense moments and try to calmly explain the situation to him.
2. Don't try to calm him down
If he doesn't risk his life or the lives of others, do your best to ignore him. It's surprising, but if you turn your attention to something else, you won't support his unwanted behavior and he'll want to get you back. If he starts hitting, biting or throwing various objects, stop him and take him away immediately, firmly explaining that IS NOT ACCEPTED! Tell him that you will continue the conversation only when he calms down. Frequent pauses in which you ignore him will cause him to return more quickly to those things that he knows thank you.
3. The louder you shout, the slower you have to speak
He may get annoyed at first and raise his voice even more, but the calm you show will make him enter your game. Remember that he is upset or frustrated by something, so stay calm! If he has a tantrum in a public place (cinema, supermarket), get out of that room and tell him that he has two options: to sit on the bench or in the car. For some children, choices like this can help, especially if the lack of control is the reason behind the outburst. Post-tantrum, it is good to go back to the situation that triggered that crisis. If he gets upset because you told him to lift a toy from the floor, the child should do so once he has calmed down. If he made a scene because you told him he can't have a cake, then don't offer him the cake even after he stops crying. During the meal, remind him that he`ll receive his dessert as soon as he finishes eating. Praise him every time he fixes his mistakes. After all, this is the positive behavior you want to remind him to repeat.
4. Try to understand the causes of his reactions
The little one may know how to use words to say what he wants or needs, but that does not mean that the crisis has come to an end. He is still learning how to deal with his emotions, so a minor debate can quickly turn into a serious problem. While tantrums can start with anger, they are often rooted in sadness. For children under 2 and a half, you can use the following trick: Use sign language and teach your child to indicate what he wants - milk, food, a crib to sleep, a toy, etc. It will not be long before you will notice that you will communicate much easier, avoiding crisis situations.
5. Give him space!
Sometimes a child needs to unload. So, let him do this! This helps him learn to get rid of negative feelings in a non-destructive way and regain control of himself - without engaging in a big day of quarrels with you. This trick can work alone or in tandem with the ignore method.
6. Create a diversion
Children are attentive for a fairly short period of time, which is to our advantage because they are more easily distracted from an unpleasant situation and channeled to another interesting activity. If he is about to have a seizure at the supermarket because you don't want to buy colored jellies, try to create a diversion and get his attention: “Wow! Have you seen the Kinder mascot? Let's take a picture with it too! ” or any other option you have at hand.
7. Offer a warm hug
It may be the last thing you want to offer during a tantrum, but a hug may be the right thing to do. You don't have to say anything special when you hug them, it's enough to be a sincere and loving gesture, which will help the child to calm down. Only then can you confess to him that, although you do not agree with his manifestations, you love him enormously and wish him all the best in the world.
8. Prepare a snack and a crib ready for sleep
Two of the triggers for tantrums are fatigue and hunger. Many parents wonder why their child has tantrums every day, as they do nothing to upset him. Well, it is possible that they keep a strict meal schedule and, without intention, do not realize that the little one still wants milk or some food even between the set meals. Babies can also cry because of fatigue. They sleep a lot in the first years of life, so their daily activities are exhausting quite quickly. So, it is recommended to test these aspects and give the baby a snack or a crib ready to sleep, to see how he reacts. If you notice that the tantrums are starting to thin out, then that's fine, it means you've discovered the cause of its seizures.
9. Promise him he'll get a reward from you
Most of the time, children are put in embarrassing or boring situations for them, such as sitting at a stylish table in a restaurant or attending a church service where they have to rest. Try to prevent tantrums by giving him a reward like this: “Patrick, Mommy is asking you to sit down and eat quietly and civilly. If you manage to do that, I promise you that when we get home, I'll let you watch cartoons. ” If during the stay he starts to forget the agreement you concluded, easily remind him what you discussed and he will comply with the established rules, knowing that what he wants is waiting for him at home.
10. Keep calm during the crisis and smile as much as possible
Every parent is afraid of going out in public for obvious reasons. You're worried that other parents will think you're a bad mother or a bad father, that you raised such a disobedient child. It's hard not to sketch anything when the little one rolls on the asphalt and screams in his big mouth for various reasons. But I repeat. It's good to keep calm and even look relaxed, and even try to subtly slip in a smile. The child will notice that his manifestations have little effect and will become confused, adopting a different behavior. If he stops, you'll let him calm down for a few minutes, and then you'll hug him and get back to talking. If he doesn't stop, you'll take him from there and ask him where he decides to calm down: on the bench or in the car?
IMPORTANT!
All of the above methods can work wonders for some children and less so for others. The results vary, as each child is unique in their own way and reacts differently in certain situations. One suggestion would be to try to use more methods that eliminate the cause (those that develop emotional intelligence or relationships with other children) and use other, more superficial methods, such as: (promise of reward, fun) only when you have no choice, because they can only solve the problem in the short term, and if they are practiced frequently, they can also have negative effects. For example, the child may learn to receive something each time in return for something he does right. In conclusion, tantrum is part of children's development and is an important time, because during this time the little ones discover their emotions, learn how to talk and behave with other people, become more confident in their own strength. Moms, keep calm, Dads, help moms as much as possible. XOXO Baby P. & Mam R.
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